Meh

So apparently I'm not doing enough, or eating right, or working hard enough, or snacking too much or... a large combination of all of them. I do my workouts *most* days, but I'm skipping one or two a week on average because of life and other obligations. I eat right *most* of the time, but when it comes to sitting at work bored, I might eat too many "Zone approved" almonds, or have a sugar binge around 4pm when someone starts passing out Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. I will say that my intensity level is still very high when it comes to actually doing the workout, but the last few days have been extremely hard. I go to bed on time *most* nights, but I've been staying up later more often, feeling stressed out and unable to fall asleep.

All of this has added up to the fact that I have plateaued. It's not a good place to be, especially after having such high hopes for this workout regimen and diet. I'm not a disciplined person, and when I'm hungry, I give in. When I'm tired, I give in. When I have better things to do, I rationalize.

I have had tremendous gains in my strength. I can lift things more easily now, including myself when doing pull-ups. I'm up to four unassisted pull-ups, which is wonderful. My arms are rock hard, and actually have some definition. But they haven't gotten any smaller. I had big arms to begin with, and I had hoped that some of the fat would melt away. That's not the case.

I've gotten tons of compliments lately. My body has definitely changed. My calves are hard, and extremely defined. My thighs are... well, large. They're more toned than they were, but that's not necessarily a good thing. They have the appearance of a woman who spends a lot of time beating people up for a living. Not exactly the mini skirt legs I was hoping for. My stomach is still flabby. Better, by all means, but still not anywhere near where I need it to be.

I'm sick and tired of working out without the gains that I want (to be skinny and toned). It's not worth it to me to bust my ass if I'm not going to get anywhere with it. But I'm also sabotaging myself by not sticking to the diet, missing workouts and not putting my all into it every time. It's not easy, but I know that's what I have to do. Because if I do this for nothing, it's a waste of time.

So I'm going to go back to basics and start eating healthier again, set a sleep time, give up coffee (yes, again), cut out sugar completely and eat veggies as my main source of carbs. I have to get strict on myself or my genetics are going to continue to work against me to make me a huge tub of lard.

And, since I have a few moments more before the laundry is done and I can go to bed, I have a rant to share:

The editors and contributors to Self Magazine can kiss my semi-toned ass. Fuck you and your bullshit about losing weight by walking it off once or twice a week. Screw your "Super Simple Workout Plan!" and articles that tell readers they can, "Loose Weight Without Trying!" No one has ever lost weight and kept it off by doing 10 minutes of no-impact physical activity a day. It's not fucking possible. Losing weight is a huge fucking commitment and you can't dress it up with Victoria's Secret workout gear and make it "fun". It's not fucking fun. It's horrible, painful, sweaty work. So roll up your glossy photos of skinny girls on the beach and shove them right up your urethra. Fuck. You.